This post is courtesy of the free broadband on a FifeScotish bus from Crail to St Andrews. Yeehah!

Picture the scene: an adolescent Bruce in his friend’s room, being introduced to all sorts of interesting things. Two of the audio delights were The Smiths’ eponymous first album and AC/DC’s High Voltage.

Digital versions of these records slithered into my hands today. Joy almost unconfined. Bagpipe solo, anyone?

Earlier this month, I was asked to procure some photographic models. So here’s how I dressed for this. You can see a key to what a good pander wears and carries here. There is one (maybe two) mistakes in the inventory: a small prize to the first to spot either of these.

On my rounds through Auld Reekie, I saw a biog-cycle and proof that sunbeds can indeed turn users into wrinkled old bags.

(In case you were wondering, the models I was attempting to procure were all foodstuffs to appear in a cookery book. A pander I may be but a pimp? Never!)

I’ve never been convinced by the idea of sour(ed) cream. Even though I’ve enjoyed a lot of dairy and soya yoghurt, the thought of fermented-fatty-dairy-product repulsed me. However, I found in the fridge a pack of Tofutti Sour Supreme and so included it in the fixings for tacos I was preparing. Revelation! It was cool and delicious. My hostess, who enjoys her dairy and meat products, was also impressed by it. So, as well as their slices of soya cheese, which have made possible delicious vegan pizze, I thoroughly commend Tofutti Org for this. Cheers Mr Metz!

The Mill is on its way to becoming much more mac-tastic. In addition to the current Pismo (400MHz G3 laptop) and Quicksilver (800MHz G4 desktop), a rather shiny 17-inch 1·67GHz G4 is on its way to to my hostess.

At the same time, she’s bought a new flat-screen monitor but there’s a slight hitch – the Quicksilver’s videoport is ADC but the monitor has DVI input. So until the relevant adaptor arrives, Quicksilver is hooked up to an old HP CRT monitor. This, along with the rest of HP PC, is due to disappear soon, leaving this flat almost entirely mac-flavoured. The exceptions are occasional visits by my hostess’ work PC laptop, her ever-present blackberry and my almost-mothballed Palm Zire.

And why is the Zire moribund? It’s still as good as it ever was, and it has been a very useful thing for almost five years. (I hope I can find it a home where it will continue to be cherished – any takers out there?) However, thanks to my fabby hostess and family, I have an iPhone. Music-player, phone, web-browser, enough of a PDA and enough of a camera, all in one! I love it to bits already. The only serious drawback I’ve found is its requirement for USB2 on the mac it links to.

However, for anyone who wants to wander around listening to music, surfing and emailing, it’s just the job! Thinking of which, I really need one of those job-things soon…

Tomorrow is a whole new day, banana-wise.

So I emailed a friend the following:

Just received spam offering military green lasers. You, I’m sure, want one!

He replied:

It would complete the set…

Get me 500 and aim them at the moon.

Together we may yet defeat the threat from the moon-people.

I say ‘people’ but they hardly deserve to be called that, the alien scum.

Many thanks for this most important information. Without your help (and the lasers) we will assuredly be living under the yoke of those oppressive lunar fiends by the end of next year. Mark my words.

Oh sanity, where is thy sting?

BTW, my brother is home from Iraq. He shouldn’t have to go on active service for another two years.

Just a note about one of the tastiest dals I’ve made recently: a very rich flavour and no-where near as much fire as I normally like. This is apparently not too far from gujurati style.

Ingredients

• 228g oily toor dal
• 114g sweet potato, chopped
• 3 tsp cashew nuts
• 2 tsp oil
• 1 tsp cumin seeds
• 1 tsp chopped garlic
• 400g tin of chopped tomatoes
• 1 tsp ginger paste
• 1 tsp hot chilli powder
• 1 tsp ground turmeric
• 1 tsp jaggery goor (palm sugar) – you could use normal brown sugar
• 1 tsp lemon juice
• 1 tsp coriander paste

1. Wash and drain the dal.
2. Place it in a pan with 750 ml water, bring to the boil and simmer for 20 minutes.
3. Rinse and drain the dal.
4. Meanwhile, place the sweet potato in another pan with a modicum of water, bring to the boil and simmer until very soft, then drain the sweet potato.
5. Fry the cumin seeds until they begin to pop, then add the garlic, ginger paste, chilli powder and turmeric.
6. Lightly fry this mixture until the curry scent begins to evolve, then add the tomatoes.
   Fry this mixture lightly until it has reduced and thickened significantly.
7. Meanwhile lightly toast the cashew nuts in a dry frying-pan
8. Mash the lentils and sweet potato, then add the tomato mix, cashew nuts and jaggery goor.
9. Add a modicum of water, bring to the boil and lightly simmer while you cook the accompaniments.
10. Just before serving, add in the lemon juice and coriander paste.

I served this with couscous and boiled curly cale.

• 150g dry couscous
• 200ml hot vegetable stock
• 1 tsp lemon juice
• 1 tsp coriander paste

Mix all the ingredients in a large bowl, cover with cling-film and leave for 10-15 minutes.

OK, nothing earth-shattering but both my hostess (who has a very low capsaicin tolerance) and I (who likes a bit of burn) enjoyed this.

My hostess and I saw Control last night. As far as I can tell, most of the sound-track was actual Joy Division recordings, from live events or from Unknown Pleasures. If not, it was a brilliant recreation of Ian Curtis‘ fantastic voice, physical beauty and weird on-stage presence, along with the grot that inspired this strand of ‘post-punk’. I admit that some of the attempts to compress 5 or more years into under 2 hours occasionally clunked, but such compression is probably bound to be lossy.

Even though I knew the ending, I was in tears as I came out. My hostess was aghast – she hadn’t known this story. I think we left a damp trail down Lothian Road. Most of today, the tense waves of sound that end Atmosphere have been reverberating through my head.

Since last night I’ve been remembering, semi-fondly, all the time I spent with punks, late-model hippies, speed-freaks, the Special Brew crew, queens and tokers in the late 70s and early 80s, and being utterly in love with a school-friend who introduced me to Joy Division and later Pink Floyd via The Final Cut (still one of my ‘Desert Island Discs’). One of the people from this time, leader of a Wiccan group, was my inspiration to become vegan, with her promise of a massive spiritual high. So far the chemical kind has been stronger, but being vegan has provided a quiet, lasting satisfaction.

OK, a lot has changed since then and I have little to no excuse for unhappiness. However, some of the melancholy that arose or found expression then has stayed with me ever since, much to the confoundment of anyone who has tried to be close to me. I guess my laughter is often stoner-manic in an unconscious attempt to layer a thick enough skin over my failures and the unhappiness I’ve perpetrated on others.

This year’s durga puja included a Hogwarts pandal! Yeehah.