Earlier this month, I was asked to procure some photographic models. So here’s how I dressed for this. You can see a key to what a good pander wears and carries here. There is one (maybe two) mistakes in the inventory: a small prize to the first to spot either of these.

On my rounds through Auld Reekie, I saw a biog-cycle and proof that sunbeds can indeed turn users into wrinkled old bags.

(In case you were wondering, the models I was attempting to procure were all foodstuffs to appear in a cookery book. A pander I may be but a pimp? Never!)