Some of the following may be gross.

The hospital has phoned twice this morning to check that I have the necessary approval from the insurance company. I wouldn’t mind so much but a series of short pains kept me awake until 6 am. Anyway, I’m relieved to learn I will have a flexible sigmoidoscopy, as opposed to having a rigid telescope shoved up me.

The hospital has provided this information. What it doesn’t say is that I will have an enema before the procedure. I don’t need to take any drugs to clear myself out, but I do need to avoid dyes such as beetroot and red wine.